Lucianna and da vampyres
by goffikgurl666
Summary: Wen Lucianna moves 2 Waschington, she meets a sexxi vampyre named Edword Cullens and her life changs 4ever.......
1. Chapter 1

a/n – hi evry1 dis iz ma new twilite fic! Dis tym, i got ma cuzin 2 spellckeck 4 meh, so u have nothing 2 complaint aboot. Butt rememba, ma cuzin neva read all da boobs coz he h8z twilite, so he mite haf sum stuff rong.

XxX chapter 1 XxX

Hi my name is Lucianna London Rassendale Smyth and I'm sixteen years old. I go to a high school in Waschington with my brothers and sisters. I have a big family with three brother and six sisters called Adam Jared Cristopher Laura Elenor Olliva Marie Charlie n Cristina. I love all of my brothers n sisters accept Cristina because she is a big prep and she is a cheerleader.

I go to school with da sexxiest vampore ever. His name is EDWORD CULLENS he is really sexxi and has white skin n yellow eyes like mine. I fell in love with him da other day when he feested on a preps blood and I want to have sex with him SOOOOO much. I no he has a really big you-know-what because Adam (my favourite brother lol) saw him in da shower n told me it is really big.

One day I decided 2 talk to him. I walked over to his table at lunch. He was sitting with this ugly-ass gurl named BELLA SWANN and she was sooooooooooooooooo stupid and kept falling out of her seat. I smelled at him in a sexxi way (lol geddit lyk Gerad Way i luv u wiv all ma fuckin hart Gerad MARIE ME!!!!) and he new I was a vampire. He could see it in my eyes witch were the same colour as his.

He left that ugly little slug Bella n came over 2 me. I saw her bust into tears when he got up and tears of blood pooping down her discusting face. He dint care though, he only had eyes for ME.

"Hay are you a vampire?" he asked. His voice was so low and huski and sexxi, he sounded just like a cross between Gerad Way and Joel Madden. I almost had a orgy just because of his glorisos voice, but I decided not to.

"Yeah!" I replored in a flirty way, crossing my legs so he could see my underwear. I saw him get a hard on.

"Are you the only one out of all those who is a vampire?" he questioned, lucking at all my brothers and sister, who was on the other side of the lunch hall having a good time, accept Cristina who was wiv all her preppy cheerleader fiends. She had some fucking pink Hilary Duff pompoms and a Britney Spars boob tube and a pink Hilary Duff miniskirt because she liks Hilary Duff.

"No" I siad, turning away in discust. "Just me and my brother Adam and my sister Marie and Olliva and Charlie"

"Well............................ do u all want 2 cum round to my house after school and meet my father Carlose? I'm sure he'd be very intrested to meet you. You could meet my brothers and sisters too, Esmet and Jasper and Alison and Rosalyn."

"Shore" I said. I knew we would all be best friends.

_2B CONTINUED_

a/n – waz it gud? Plz tell meh


	2. Author's note 18 months later

Hi. For those of you who surprisingly didn't guess, I am a troll writer. I wrote this story to try and provoke a reaction, which it looks like I got. I wasn't going to tell you that I was a troll until the story was finished, but I got bored after writing the first chapter and just left it. I actually forgot about it until I was going through my documents the other day and found it, and decided to check if this site had removed it, like it did with my other troll fic on the same account.

I am not Tara Gilesbie. To the reviewer who left me a long rant thinking that I was Tara: sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not her, and I doubt that she'll ever read what you wrote. Also, telling someone to slit their wrists is a horrible thing to do. And obviously I must have an IQ higher than a fruitcake (135, darling) if I managed to trick you all into thinking I was serious.

I'm not going to delete this story because I'm amused by the backlash that it received. Just know that I'm an intelligent human being who's starting college in September and love writing troll fics. I think it's also worth noting that telling someone to die just because they're not a good writer (which luckily I am ;D) is a fucking stupid thing to do.

Ciou.

**UPDATE (July 2013):** For the last time, _I am not Tara Gilesbie_. Get it through your thick skulls. I don't know whether the site which says I am still has this account listed, but if it does, know that it's false. I chose this penname by coincidence as it sounded vaguely Tara-ish. If she used this name in the past, I didn't know about it. So I'm asking nicely, please stop sending me messages about it. If I was Tara, I would own up to it. But I'm not owning up to being someone who I'm not. It's not fair to me _or_ her.

As far as anyone knows, My Immortal was her first and last story. If she was ever to write again, do you really think she'd waste her 'talent' on this admittedly mediocre parody? (I was fourteen when I wrote this; I've improved a lot since then.)

If you want any further information, read my profile. Thanks.


End file.
